It should have been me.

A few weeks ago I watched a Lifetime movie about William and Kate. This was a bad move because now I am royally OBSESSED with the Royal wedding. I was surprised to find out that William wasn't the best boyfriend to Kate Middleton. She definitely put up with a royal pain in the arse, which proves that boys will be boys.... royal or not. So the past few nights I haven't been able to sleep and now I know the real reason why, I have cold feet. This wedding is giving me so much anxiety! So much to do before the big day. First off, where can I find a hat like this:

Also I need to order my Replica Ring to wear on the big day

Mostly Because it will pair nicely with the heart of the ocean necklace I ordered over 10 years ago.

Finally, a matching set.

Ironically back in the day when I was busy seeing Titanic 20 times in the theater, I used to have a little crush on Prince William but have you seen the guy recently?

ummmmm I'll go ahead and take the ginger on this one.

One day till the day that every girl dreams about. I hope you are all watching at 2 am with a cup of tea. Preferably ones like these.

and oh ya, I almost forgot. Something for all you lovers out there.

A gift fit for a king.

Happy Thursday!!!

The Dewey Decimal System

After 3 seasons of 16 and pregnant and 2 seasons of teen mom I started thinking "hmmm this kid thing doesn't seem so bad, maybe I should get one of my own" "Oh wait you have to read to it??? no thanks" This is until I realized what great children's books there are out there.

A story to teach you where babies come from

or what I like to call

Where Willy went: The incredible journey of Micheal Phelps

A story to teach you how to party like a Rock star.

I remember my first rave.

Oh look, Books about hair.

I'm surprised I didn't write this one.

I'm surprised my mom didn't write this one

This looks like a sad story. Wonder how

it ends.

I think you would find this story in the Non-Fiction

section because this is Real Talk. I wish my mom

read this one to me.

And of course the classic bowel movement books because let's be honest...

No matter how old you are, it's hilarious.

Happy Tuesday!!!

DeTangled.

This Past week I finally saw the movie tangled. It was really cute but I wondered why you didn't get a free deep conditioner when you purchased a $30 blue ray movie. It did inspire me to grow my hair out a lot longer and use it to do things like sneak out of my house or wash my car. I don't want to give away the end of the movie for those of you that still haven't seen it but I will say I had no idea Cher could be so evil.

And as for the hero Flynn Rider. I get that Rapunzel is an attractive 18 year old girl that you were interested in but don't try to Woo her with something you call "The look"

It didn't work and I hate to tell you it's already been done and mastered by someone else.

His name is Lucas Scott and you can find him in Tree Hill!

Happy Monday!!!!!

It never stops.

If you read my last blog it was about Jump Photos. I hope you've been practicing them. Trust me, it's a life skill you need. My friend Crystal sent me a little reminder that I forgot a good one. Can't believe I almost let this one slip by.....

Apparently she jumps with make believe Disney characters too.

Jump Around.

This Past week I decided to teach the little girls I babysit something that I consider a special talent, Jump Photos. I don't care who you are Jump photos are the best. Not sure if you're aware of how much goes into a jump photo. Not just anyone can take a jump photo. It takes some good knowledge of Quantum Physics. Good thing I received a B- in physics. Here are the few attempts of us trying to get a great jump Photo.

1............2...........3..........JUMP

Fail

1...........2........

Major Fail

1.......2........3

NAILED IT!!!!!

So proud of them. I had to tell them all about the Jump Photo Legend, The godfather of all Jump Photos, My Friend Crystal. Crystal never gave up. She kept trying and now she is a well known versatile jumper.

Over Bridges.

International.

In a floatation device.

Her Dog even takes perfect Jump Photos.

I didn't want to brag to the girls but with all of that hard work look where Crystal ended up

NEVER .....SAY.....NEVER!!!!!

Happy Thursday!

A dream is a wish your heart makes... and scares the crap out of you

Don't you hate nightmares? I do. The other night I had a marathon of nightmares. One after another and they all had one thing in common, I was shot. Have you ever been shot in your dreams? It doesn't hurt or at least in my dreams they don't. I remember thinking "wow this really doesn't hurt at all" Then I wake up and hope that when I fall back asleep I don't have another scary dream. WRONG. I basically lived scream 1, 2 and 3 and saw the new Scream 4. After my 4th time getting shot I decided to stay up a bit and watch some tv. Good news was Blue Crush was on. Perfect, I can fall back asleep and dream of being a surfer. Nope, I was in the water waiting to catch a wave then a shark hit my board. I swam like Michael Phelps to safety then as soon as I got to shore away from the shark my killer was there waiting and of course shot me. Talk about a rough day on the beach. So this was starting to get a little stupid. I was shot a total of 30 times in my dreams, in your face 50 cent!

I couldn't wait to tell some people about my new gangster status. Here are a few of my conversations:

My friend Matt, who I thought was the smartest person I know

Me: Every single one of my dreams last night were nightmares. All of them I was running away from a guy with a gun. side note: getting shot really doesn't hurt that bad. I was shot over 30 times last night!!!

Matt: You must have a guilty conscience.

Me: Guilty Conscience? What's that supposed to mean. I was shot over 30 times. I'm a Victim Matt!!

Matt: My mom says you need help.

Now here is a conversation with my father who was away this weekend.

Me: I had nightmares all last night. I was shot over 30 times. Don't worry, I'm ok.

Dad: Oh good, I would hate to see you ruin our vacation.

Glad to see the support I have from my family and friends. I'm thinking of getting a dream book and getting to the bottom of all of my dreams. Not going to lie, I woke up feeling pretty bad ass the next day.

Happy Monday!!!!!!

Lucky Charms.

Last year for St. Patty's Day my friend Crystal and I decided to go out....nothing crazy or so we thought. We made T-shirts that said "feeling lucky?"

Unlucky is more like it.

The bartender made us some green beer and we munched on Irish nachos, which is basically standard nacho toppings on top of fries. Talk about my two favorite things collaborating! That's like if Britney Spears did an Album with Justin Timberlake! We might of had too many green beers because then we had this great idea to make our own drink called....

DAT.....DA.....DA The GreenKaTonic!!!!

Bad idea. The GreenKatonics led to Green Jello shots which led to Irish Jig dancing. You know, you think you know someone and as far as i know Crystal has had no dance background but that night she was dancin' around that bar like she was Michael Flatley Lord of the dance!!! Her legs flail about as if independent from her body!!!!

We had a blast.

Best St. Pattys day. Ever

I don't have anymore stories or pictures from that night except for this one, what I assume is Crystal and I walking back home from the bar.

This is why last year on March 18th we made the new rule "Never Drink anything green" and while you're at it don't dye your hair red.

Happy St. Pattys day!!!!

A Special Birthday Wish

Happy Birthday to one of my dearest friends, Vanessa. I love this girl for so many reasons:

1. She's fun.

2. She makes me the BEST birthday cupcakes every year

3. She is dedicated to our drinking....I mean bowling team.

4. She is always there to help me out.

5. Most of all, she gave birth to this

Happy Birthday HonAY! I wish you lots of birthday blessings to your face.

I love you

and many.....many more!!!!!!

Who wore it Best??

Who wore it best? Cate Blanchett or Roseanne's couch?

I will let you decide on this one.

Happy Wednesday!!

My Quarter Life Crisis is over....or so I think

I recently turned 26 years old. I know what everyone is about to say, Oh my goooosh that is SO YOUNG. Well it feels old ok? I now have back problems, I need to be fueled by coffee everyday and I now get these things called Hangovers. 25 might have been one of the craziest years ever.

This is how I started my 25th year....

Dressed like Snooki. Not a good start if you ask me. I should have known it was going to be a crazy year. Now that I am 26 I need to set some goals for myself as I slowly power walk my way to 30. I have a lot to look forward to this year and I am PUMPED! If it's one thing I know it's ALWAYS REMEMBER WHO YOU ARE.

I am Tiffany Vargas

Dog lover.....

Kid lover....

Investor....

a Problem Solver....

and one hell of a model American!

Happy FAT Tuesday Y'all!!!!!