Coming Clean about your DARK past.

Today I decided to go to the dermatologist to get some sketchy moles checked. I've been meaning to get them checked for the past few months but i didn't want to do anything that had the potential to kill my holiday buzz. So everyone knows that for the most part it is not smart to lie to your doctor, unless they are asking you "how many alcohol beverages do you drink per week....per month?" I'm sorry, what? Do people actually tell you the truth? So anyways I go see Dr. Spot and the first thing she asks me is "do you know every mole that you've had since birth?" "With all do respect, I can't even remember what i had for dinner last night." It was not off to a good start. Then the question came "Do you wear sunscreen everyday?" "Yes, now i do but I used to do the exact opposite." "the exact opposite?" "Yes. tanning. I'm a recovering tanoholic." She looked at me as if i told her i was a recovering meth addict. Now was the moment that I had to come clean about my "dark past" and explain that I no longer tanned in tanning beds even though i miss every minute of it. I even said "Now i get spray tans, isn't that good!?!?" then comes the judging. "what's wrong with having lighter skin?" Ummmmmmm I'll tell you what's wrong, I don't plan on being in the 4th installment of twilight so therefore i want to be tan. So can I leave now cause I really need to go book a spray tan appointment.

Make sure to put on that SPF

Happy Wednesday!!!

Boob tube.

I have a Love/Hate relationship with the shows that are on the telly now a days. It just blows my mind that people could win a million dollars for eating a scorpion or getting smacked in the face a bunch of times while going through an obstacle course. Don't get me wrong, it's hilarious but sometimes too much. I've already talked about my commitment issues or some say lack of follow through but television shows are the hardest for me to follow. It used to never be this bad.

In elementary school I got out at 2 o'clock. Saved by the bell started at 2:05. You can imagine how stressed i was on a daily basis. Good news was i lived right around the corner. As soon as that bell rang i would run home like i was training to be a member of the Kenyan running team. I loved Saved by the Bell. I wanted be Kelly Kapowski, date Zack Morris, hit the gym with A.C, Shop with Lisa Turtle and be lab partners with Screech Powers. No Character on that show taught me more than Jessie Spano did. She was a straight A student, student body president and dating the high school jock. She had it all....including an addiction to caffeine pills. Yup you remember that episode. I cried when Jesse was so overcaffeinated that she finally came to her breaking point. "I'm so excited.....I'm so so scared"

During High School it was all about Friends. What a great show. I have every episode on dvd and sometimes will run a super marathon over a weekend. Last Thanksgiving I ran a mini marathon of all the Thanksgiving episodes. Who could forget the "Geller Cup"? I find myself quoting friends on a day to day basis. It's pretty bad when all you have to say around my brother Chris and i is "5........6........7.........8" and we break out in THE ROUTINE.

Now for the shows on TV now. I had a hard time finding a show that I am obsessed with. I was looking for a new saved by the bell or Friends. I tried getting into Grey's anatomy but Meredith is Super annoying. The gun shooter episode was pretty good but I don't think that show will be on much longer. Sorry about it. Then I tried to get into the Oh so popular Glee. I watched it a handful of times but to be honest it's just a bunch of kids singing, dancing and having sex with each other all while a guy in a wheelchair watches. I do have to admit Sue Sylvester is pretty hysterical. Then there is Jersey Shore and I did have a birthday party dedicated to it but it is getting pretty old. They should call it "Same old story, different night" or what I recently read on a bathroom stall wall "Another day Another panty stain" Now to reveal the new show that I'm obsessed with, the show I run home to watch every Wednesday night.............

Great show, right? I'm still laughing over the Flash Mob scene.

HAPPY MONDAY!!!!

Knowledge is power!

Yesterday I decided I needed to step outside of my box and step into a museum. I have lived in San Jose my whole life and not once did any tourist stuff. Well, there was my elementary school field trips but I don't think I'm allowed at the Children's museum anymore. It blows my mind that people travel to San Jose to see the Winchester Mystery house. I'm sorry if you do because it's a stage five let down.

So my friend Jess and I decided to have a fun adventure day at The Academy of Science in SF! We got there around 2 and thought we can power through everything in 1 hour, boy were we wrong. I was immediately overwhelmed. Turtles, Sharks and the infamous Steve Irwin murder, the stingray. There was one particular animal that I was appalled by, the albino alligator or as my dad texted me later "send me a pic of alli" It was so white, so thin and so still that I thought it was Kristen Stewart at first until he moved. Boy was he ugly. I started feeling bad for Claude the albino alligator. It's not his fault he has this issue. Maybe he would be happier with a spray tan? Everyone knows you feel better with a tan. Right?

Earlier that morning when i informed my dad on my day of fun he said

"oh let me know how Pierre the penguin is doing" What the heck. Did my dad befriend some penguin and did not inform his family because I'm sorry, that is something you tell your kids! Turns out Pierre is the museums famous penguin. When Pierre was 24 and had some molting problems. He was the alpha male of his colony and because of his bald spots he was shunned by his fellow penguin friends. Ugh, Penguins can be huge dicks sometimes. It wasn't until some lady designed a little wetsuit for Pierre so he wouldn't be too cold to get in the water. Well in 7 weeks he was on his way to recovery and thanks to the wetsuit Pierre got his feathers AND his groove back! Pierre is now 27 years old, found a female lover and get this...He is going to be a father!!! I was pretty excited to call my dad and tell him the big news which his response was "oh, good for him"

The day was going pretty good until the end. The Planetarium. When I went inside the theater I could not get over how cool it was. I was so excited to see video and couldn't help but wonder what it would be like to watch a Twilight trilogy marathon in that theater. Everything was good until they started the show. I felt as if i was moving full speed through the trees and over the ocean. I had to close my eyes a few times to prevent me from throwing up my lunch. To make matters worse it was a video on how the earth was formed. Starting at the very beginning. Space gives me anxiety. It's too much to handle. Let me give you a little bit of history, someone once explained black holes to me and i got a migraine and had to run to the bathroom. As if all the space knowledge wasn't enough they totally skipped over the best part, The dinosaurs.

All in all the trip was amazing and I will be going back. Apparently some Thursdays they have a 21 and over party from 6-10. Drinks, music and learning. I was so excited to hear about this cause I would LOVE to party with Pierre and alli (a.k.a Claude) Hollaaaaa!!!!

We ended the night off with Sushi at Mas Saki because let's be honest looking at all those fish all day sure makes you hungry!

Happy Friday!

This is just embarrassing.

I don't even know what to say besides this is the worst blog I have ever seen.

Hello year 2011!

I wish I had some sort of excuse like my Internet was out for the past year or I lost both my arms in an unfortunate wii sport accident but the truth is I have commitment issues. You can pretty much guarantee that I won't finish anything besides a cocktail. If i had a diary it would go something like this "Dear Diary, I'm so excited to become best friends. I'm going to write in you everyday. Well, see you tomorrow" Followed by nothing but blank pages. You can ask anyone in my family that my whole life i would always go through these weird phases. There was one summer that I sat on my porch and painted really intense pictures. Mostly landscapes. That lasted about a week or at least until my mom couldn't fit anymore on her fridge. Then the next week i grabbed a keyboard and self taught myself the theme song to Halloween, which sucks because this only comes in handy around October 31st. See I was always trying to teach myself what i like to call party tricks. There was that time I spent months trying to beat box like JT. That must have been annoying. It must have been around the time that I asked Santa for, and i kid you not "top of the line glow sticks" I'm not even sure what that is, why i asked for them or what i planned on doing with them besides beat boxing at a rave while listening to a techno version of the Halloween theme song.

So This year I did not set resolutions. I set GOALS and One of my goals is to blog at least 3 times a week because this can be the diary I never had. Diary 2.0!!!!! I'm not even sure if anyone will read these or even care. If you don't care then perfect, That makes two of us.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Writer's Block

Dear my fellow Friendsters, 

I would like to first apologize for not updating my blog in 5 months. I was suffering from writer's block which is a temporary psychological inability to begin or continue work on a masterpiece of writing. Doctors believe it was half writer's block and half me forgetting my user name and password. Good news is I'm back and my life is still a joke! 

Since the last time I've blogged I have turned 24 years old and have been electrocuted 2 times at work. I'm hoping the 3rd time it happens I receive some sort of super natural power like seeing the future, hearing people's thoughts or turning water into wine. Keep your fingers crossed! So anyway, for my pre-quarter life crisis birthday me and my fellow hot mess friends went out for a lovely saturday night round of bar golf. There were 4 teams of 4 and we only made it to 4 bars. It was a fun night filled with shots, dance battles and Trophies. I decided to prematurely award all the gold medals to my team and I award myself the MVP award because I was completely sure I was the one who had the most to drink. I didn't realize that some people were actually keeping score and we're the real winners. To these people, I am sorry but the same rules apply to bar golf that do in the Olympic woman's gymnastics. Since my birthday I've tried to find the meaning of life. I've looked at the bottom of every wine bottle and still have not found it. I guess I will have to keep trying. 

This past weekend I went to go see Jack's mannequin and the Fray. Both bands were ah-mazing. I kept cheering for Taylor Swift because I secretly wished she would come out. I figured the more I cheered for her the more likely she would come out and sing. The worst part of the whole night was shoreline thought asking $12 for a beer economically made sense. I think that's horse shit. I feel like they were taking advantage of not only my bank account but my alcohol tolerance and will to have a good time. Well, congratulations Shoreline.... You win.

Well, looks like its time for me to go. Considering I'm at work and people's hair can fry. I promise I will write more often because I have to keep big daddy Vargas entertained at work. Peace out <3

My life after VD

First of all I would like to apologize that I have not kept up on my blogs. I have been doped up on cough syrup for the past week. I hope all the single ladies had a fantastic Valentine's Day or what I like to call S.A.D single awareness day. As for the rest of you with your cute dinner dates and romantic nights I hope you choked on a chocolate. My friends and I went to San Francisco for the night. The apartment where we stayed had walls of mirrors so naturally all I did was dance all night. It made me realize all I need to keep me entertained for hours is a bottle of grey goose and lady gaga's cd. The whole night was real and fun.....and real fun! So fun I lost my ID and credit card. My parents weren't too thrilled and I'm sure they immediately googled the word

"MESS"

Speaking of maturity, I am turning 24 in less than 2 weeks! I am hoping that I will get my life back in order before then. I've had a rough past week. I went to the doctors twice and found out I have bronchitis, asthma and I'm allergic to cats. I thought to my self "perfect could I seriously become any bigger of a nerd??" So right now I am battling with what I like to call AAA. Allergies, acne and asthma. What.....a disaster.

Today is a cuddle up next to a fire and watch a movie day. Fortunately I work all day so I will not be doing this. I hope you all have a great Tuesday. Pray for all the people out there who are also suffering from AAA!

XOXO

Hi dad

So I've been sick all weekend with what can only be described as Mad cow disease and yesterday the last thing I wanted to hear was my dad asking me "HEY what happened to today's blog?"

My dad is a pretty funny mexican. I'm half german and half mexican so my dad like to call all of his children "Beaner-schnitzles" The other weird thing about my dad is he is a Human GPS. I can be lost anywhere in california and he will know exactly where I am and what street I'm on and where the closest Taco bell is. Some of his hobbies include golfing, watching football,hockey and putting red robin seasoning on everything! Well here you go dad. Here is today's blog and your shout out. Now Get back to work Big Daddy Vargas
sidenote: Don't you worry this won't be the last blog about my father

T.G.I.F

Thank Gypsy it's Friday!!!!

Too bad it looks like a mess outside.

Here are 10 things I am thankful for this Friday:

1. I don't start work until 2

2. Game show network to keep me busy until 2

3. My birthday is in 23 days though I am not thankful for being 24 years of age. 

4. Jack-n-the-box welcomes back mozzarella...ella....ella sticks  (that ones for you Tye)

5. Michael Phelps caught smoking weed from a bong after years ago getting a DUI. You go you supernatural hot mess!

6. Lady gaga and 99.7 being the only radio station that plays the extended version of "just dance"

7. California woman gives birth to 8 babies in just FIVE minutes! Suck on that John and Kate, You might be out of a job! (side note: I love your show)

8. The Superbowl is over! Great game but the commercials and the halftime performance was terrible. We want Janet's Boob back!

9. Jordan, Amanda and I sang the song "space cowboy" by N sync' last night and now I have it stuck in my head.

Last but not least....

10. I am thankful I did not get hit in the face with a hockey puck this week. 

Hope everyone has a great weekend!

Make good choices, bring an umbrella....ella....ella

What.....a hot mess

Okay another reason for me to have kids....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=txqiwrbYGrs

Kids DRAW the darndest things

This made me want to have kids..... 

Dear Mrs. Jones,

I wish to clarify that I am not now, nor have I ever been, an exotic dancer. I work at Home depot and I told my daughter how hectic it was last week before the blizzard hit. I told her we sold out of every single shovel we had and then I found one more in the back room, and that several people were fighting over who would get it. Her picture doesn't show me dancing around a pole it's supposed to depict me selling the last snow shovel we had at home depot. From now on I will remember to check her homework more thoroughly before she turns it in.

Sincerely,

Mrs. Smith