The end of Tanning Fraud

Finally....a solution. Obama was right, we would have change and I realized that yesterday when I went to my tanning salon. I walked in for my weekly 12 minute nap and the girl at the front asked for my first and last name. Her face gets serious and explains they have this new system to prevent people from stealing tans from your tanning package. I didn't realize there was other Tiffany Vargas' out there trying to steal my UVs! Obviously it had to stop. So I had to press my thumb 4 times against this red pad. Which can only be described as a grocery store scanner. At this point I'm not sure which is worse, the tanning my skin or me having to press my thumb against these lasers. I immediately started to think of every possible situation that could go wrong, WHAT IF I cut my thumb?! What if someone tries to cut off my thumb in this whole master plan to steal my tans?!?! I didn't realize that tanning fraud was such a serious problem in the US and because of that now every time I go into the tanning salon I have to stand there and get finger printed like tan line free criminal!