Writer's Block

Dear my fellow Friendsters, 

I would like to first apologize for not updating my blog in 5 months. I was suffering from writer's block which is a temporary psychological inability to begin or continue work on a masterpiece of writing. Doctors believe it was half writer's block and half me forgetting my user name and password. Good news is I'm back and my life is still a joke! 

Since the last time I've blogged I have turned 24 years old and have been electrocuted 2 times at work. I'm hoping the 3rd time it happens I receive some sort of super natural power like seeing the future, hearing people's thoughts or turning water into wine. Keep your fingers crossed! So anyway, for my pre-quarter life crisis birthday me and my fellow hot mess friends went out for a lovely saturday night round of bar golf. There were 4 teams of 4 and we only made it to 4 bars. It was a fun night filled with shots, dance battles and Trophies. I decided to prematurely award all the gold medals to my team and I award myself the MVP award because I was completely sure I was the one who had the most to drink. I didn't realize that some people were actually keeping score and we're the real winners. To these people, I am sorry but the same rules apply to bar golf that do in the Olympic woman's gymnastics. Since my birthday I've tried to find the meaning of life. I've looked at the bottom of every wine bottle and still have not found it. I guess I will have to keep trying. 

This past weekend I went to go see Jack's mannequin and the Fray. Both bands were ah-mazing. I kept cheering for Taylor Swift because I secretly wished she would come out. I figured the more I cheered for her the more likely she would come out and sing. The worst part of the whole night was shoreline thought asking $12 for a beer economically made sense. I think that's horse shit. I feel like they were taking advantage of not only my bank account but my alcohol tolerance and will to have a good time. Well, congratulations Shoreline.... You win.

Well, looks like its time for me to go. Considering I'm at work and people's hair can fry. I promise I will write more often because I have to keep big daddy Vargas entertained at work. Peace out <3

My life after VD

First of all I would like to apologize that I have not kept up on my blogs. I have been doped up on cough syrup for the past week. I hope all the single ladies had a fantastic Valentine's Day or what I like to call S.A.D single awareness day. As for the rest of you with your cute dinner dates and romantic nights I hope you choked on a chocolate. My friends and I went to San Francisco for the night. The apartment where we stayed had walls of mirrors so naturally all I did was dance all night. It made me realize all I need to keep me entertained for hours is a bottle of grey goose and lady gaga's cd. The whole night was real and fun.....and real fun! So fun I lost my ID and credit card. My parents weren't too thrilled and I'm sure they immediately googled the word

"MESS"

Speaking of maturity, I am turning 24 in less than 2 weeks! I am hoping that I will get my life back in order before then. I've had a rough past week. I went to the doctors twice and found out I have bronchitis, asthma and I'm allergic to cats. I thought to my self "perfect could I seriously become any bigger of a nerd??" So right now I am battling with what I like to call AAA. Allergies, acne and asthma. What.....a disaster.

Today is a cuddle up next to a fire and watch a movie day. Fortunately I work all day so I will not be doing this. I hope you all have a great Tuesday. Pray for all the people out there who are also suffering from AAA!

XOXO

Hi dad

So I've been sick all weekend with what can only be described as Mad cow disease and yesterday the last thing I wanted to hear was my dad asking me "HEY what happened to today's blog?"

My dad is a pretty funny mexican. I'm half german and half mexican so my dad like to call all of his children "Beaner-schnitzles" The other weird thing about my dad is he is a Human GPS. I can be lost anywhere in california and he will know exactly where I am and what street I'm on and where the closest Taco bell is. Some of his hobbies include golfing, watching football,hockey and putting red robin seasoning on everything! Well here you go dad. Here is today's blog and your shout out. Now Get back to work Big Daddy Vargas
sidenote: Don't you worry this won't be the last blog about my father

T.G.I.F

Thank Gypsy it's Friday!!!!

Too bad it looks like a mess outside.

Here are 10 things I am thankful for this Friday:

1. I don't start work until 2

2. Game show network to keep me busy until 2

3. My birthday is in 23 days though I am not thankful for being 24 years of age. 

4. Jack-n-the-box welcomes back mozzarella...ella....ella sticks  (that ones for you Tye)

5. Michael Phelps caught smoking weed from a bong after years ago getting a DUI. You go you supernatural hot mess!

6. Lady gaga and 99.7 being the only radio station that plays the extended version of "just dance"

7. California woman gives birth to 8 babies in just FIVE minutes! Suck on that John and Kate, You might be out of a job! (side note: I love your show)

8. The Superbowl is over! Great game but the commercials and the halftime performance was terrible. We want Janet's Boob back!

9. Jordan, Amanda and I sang the song "space cowboy" by N sync' last night and now I have it stuck in my head.

Last but not least....

10. I am thankful I did not get hit in the face with a hockey puck this week. 

Hope everyone has a great weekend!

Make good choices, bring an umbrella....ella....ella

What.....a hot mess

Okay another reason for me to have kids....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=txqiwrbYGrs

Kids DRAW the darndest things

This made me want to have kids..... 

Dear Mrs. Jones,

I wish to clarify that I am not now, nor have I ever been, an exotic dancer. I work at Home depot and I told my daughter how hectic it was last week before the blizzard hit. I told her we sold out of every single shovel we had and then I found one more in the back room, and that several people were fighting over who would get it. Her picture doesn't show me dancing around a pole it's supposed to depict me selling the last snow shovel we had at home depot. From now on I will remember to check her homework more thoroughly before she turns it in.

Sincerely,

Mrs. Smith

A very special day

Today is January 31st and I'm not sure if you are all aware of this fabulous holiday but it just so happens to be Justin Timberlakes birthday! Justin and I have been in a pretty serious partnership for about 10 years now. Ever since I've spotted his curly bleach blonde top ramen hair on a disney special concert. Sure we've had our ups and downs but he hold a very special place in my closet.......hanging as a poster. Fact: He wrote "like I love you" about me. False: he wrote "cry me a river" about me. Well Justin Happy birthday to you pumpkin tits... Keep tearin' up my heart

Tiff hears a WHAAAAT?!

So last night I watched Horton hears a who! It's a great movie. If you have not seen it basically it's about Horton the elephant who struggles to protect this microscopic community. Inside this tiny speck of dust is the fabulous city of Whoville. Crazy, I know. I was so overwhelmed by the whole concept. So as soon as I woke up this morning I immediately ran outside and grabbed the first flower in sight. I looked and listened carefully.

Nothing.

Let's just say I was a little upset. I remember after I saw "The little mermaid" I swore mermaids exist. Mermaids are the Gypsies of the sea. They have to exist! I haven't been this disappointed since I didn't get a Hover board for Christmas 1989. So anyway, it's a great movie. Watch the movie and watch your step. You might step on a whole other world!

The end of Tanning Fraud

Finally....a solution. Obama was right, we would have change and I realized that yesterday when I went to my tanning salon. I walked in for my weekly 12 minute nap and the girl at the front asked for my first and last name. Her face gets serious and explains they have this new system to prevent people from stealing tans from your tanning package. I didn't realize there was other Tiffany Vargas' out there trying to steal my UVs! Obviously it had to stop. So I had to press my thumb 4 times against this red pad. Which can only be described as a grocery store scanner. At this point I'm not sure which is worse, the tanning my skin or me having to press my thumb against these lasers. I immediately started to think of every possible situation that could go wrong, WHAT IF I cut my thumb?! What if someone tries to cut off my thumb in this whole master plan to steal my tans?!?! I didn't realize that tanning fraud was such a serious problem in the US and because of that now every time I go into the tanning salon I have to stand there and get finger printed like tan line free criminal!

Hi mom.

Well Hello. So today is the day I decided I would blog about my "so called life" I figured my life is a joke so I might as well make people laugh with me. I'm not sure if anyone will read these besides my Mom and if so, Hi mom! I guess this a good way to let people know what I'm up to and also a pretty good way to nail a book deal since youtube is just way too competitive. I'm a pretty sarcastic person. The only time I am serious is when I am sleeping. I will probably write a lot about my life which includes doing hair, watching game show network, Drinking wine and hanging out with my cats. Exciting huh? 

You think you know but you have no idea.....